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08:11pm 27/08/2007
  this situation is growing more intolerable by the day. she spends all her time with seth....and in my head I know that's ok, that it's really as it should be. but in my heart, I'm hurt and angry. i hate that she's moved on so quickly after me, that she's doing all of the things she used to do with me with him. most of the time she's home I spend brooding until she finally asks me what's the matter. and I don't want to tell her, at least not on an in-my-head level. the rest of me wants to hurt her, make her feel guilty for the way she's hurt me. and then we chat a little bit, and I tell her some of how I feel, enough to make me feel better for the time being and we go on to the next day. cycle repeats. i simply don't know what to do. i know that she's really done nothing wrong; she didn't cheat on me, she just moved on from me really fast....i went from being the biggest part of her life to a very small part in what seems like no time flat. and it's even worse because she's still pretty much all i have. i don't want it to be that way, i want to move out, i want to leave so i can get over her and hang out with other people and maybe have some semblance of rational thought return to me. but our financial situation dictates that we both stay put for the moment, neither one of us has the money to live on our own. hell, i wanna leave this damn town, nothing's really gone right since we came here. but i can't....so how do i live with a woman i still have deep feelings for and watch her slowly replace me? what do i do when she comes to me for advice on him, how do I treat her fairly and kindly when what she's asking me is breaking my heart? how do you move on when you're stuck in the same damn place?  
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07:22pm 21/08/2007
  i still live with my ex, we've only been broken up for a month, she's got two guys interested in her, one of whom wants to be my friend and recommended that i work with him in his coffee shop.

somebody fucking shoot me		  
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11:05pm 19/08/2007
  oh dear oh dear, here we go again. i dunno who told me moving to the south was a good idea, but they can sure shove it now (read: i'm gonna kick my own ass). i think life sort of flows like a two year long sine wave....down for a year, slowly up for a year, then a short peak, then down slowly, then a short nadir, and back up again. or something like that. back up then, i suppose....  
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juno   
08:12pm 18/07/2007
  it's dark
the lights are off
it's lonely, cept for the cats.
bernie's got the way to feel good times....		  
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10:31pm 30/10/2006
  oh Jesus we're getting older  
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02:03am 15/07/2006
  i'm going to north carolina.  
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short and vague   
11:14pm 12/06/2006
  someone that i only vaguely vaguely vaguely vaguely feel connected to suffered a terrible loss yesterday, one that couldn't have come at a worse time for her and her family, and it broke my heart just a little today to read about it. but i did something  
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11:15am 13/05/2006
  We received this message from W.A.S.T.E. tonight. It confirms the rumors that Thom has made an album.




god bless		  
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11:10am 01/05/2006
  boy, at long last i have my answer. radiohead aren't coming to seattle during their tour. thank God. :) and perhaps even worse, they aren't releasing an album any time in 2006. wow. weak. yay :)  
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11:41am 24/04/2006
  In continuing with my habit of writing 50% of my blogs about pop music, I humbly submit this fine entry. I just finished reading a bunch of interviews with the Tool guys about their new record and art and crap, and I mostly found that I didn't like what they had to say; it struck my as generally pretty pretentious and snobby. Danny talked about how he thought that discipline and perfection ultimately opened up more artistic freedom for him, and Maynard just talked about how most bands in the world suck, but tool matters because they're truly chanelling their energies and singing about things that matter and yada yada yada, our songs are art this, we're a group of artists that.... I don't think I dispute that they're artists, the guys obviously believe in showing the rest of the world that the kind of music they make can be taken seriously, but I daresay they've let it get to their heads a little bit. I mean, it's just rock 'n roll man. And while I admire Danny's tenacity and dedication to his discipline, I'm not sure about it necessarily equaling more artistic freedom; Radiohead are no where near the technical musicians tool are but they're a better band a million times over.
I think there are a lot of problems inherent in a genre that essentially stakes it's entire identity on a sound that most illicits an angry, testosterone infused response. There's not a whole lot of room for emotional variation in that constant crunchy guitar sound; if you try to talk about something like, oh, love lost without a whole lot of anger, then you either soften your sound, which makes you less metally, or you don't change your sound and thus you sound silly for hammering away at your guitars and drums as hard as you can when all you're talking about is how your girlfriend left you because your relationship had run its natural course. To peg yourself in such a small hole leaves little room for growth, and i do admire some bands for making the most they can out of it. But anyway, what was I thinking? I started this last night and am just now coming back to it, and I can't remember for the life of me what else I was going to say. I think it's interesting to see how money and fame have destroyed so many great bands....I mean, c'mon, the rolling stones charging over $200 for a ticket is absolutely 100% contradictory to everything rock and roll, and I'm sure they, once stood for. Sure they still rock out on stage, but who gives a shit? I can see musicians with comparable songwriting skill in town for 5 bucks, or for free, at the college, playing music that's a million times more inspired than the damn stones. It's so wild because pop music is supposed to be for the masses, for those people who aren't "snooty" or "cultured" enough to understand or appreciate or just like classical music or avant garde music or anything like that, the kinds of music that are stereotypically associated with rich people, and yet to see pop musicians play live costs more than almost anything the upper class would typically listen to, save maybe london philharmonic or the three tenors or some BS like that. I sorta feel like money has ruined everything I love sometimes. I mean, you walk around red square now that it's spring and all you see is guys in their plaid shirts unbuttoned and a sideways abercrombie baseball cap, girls run around in whatever type skirt has been decreed the hot spring fad, massive sunglasses that look so stupid that even avant garde artists would think they're ugly; i feel like spring has been taken from me (which certainly isn't to say I can't take it back). My music is subject to the whims of record executives who make ever increasing millions while complaining about sagging record sales, I don't drive my car except when necessary because gas costs too much to do anything leisurely; money 100% ruined my favorite sci-fi series. Except in the case of Star Trek, it was essentially born out of money too; it would have never made it on the air if TV execs didn't think they could money off of it. So where is the line drawn? How do you make a living off of being creative in this world when if you become a success your rewards so frequently destroy all you've worked for. Hmm...I digress a little bit now. I want all of my stuff back, but I suppose I never really had it in the first place.		  
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*shakes head....*   
04:53pm 21/04/2006
  I realize that by now this blog maybe gets one read biannually, but I feel as though today's news is something that must be commented on. Star Trek XI is a bad, bad idea. I don't mean to say that another Star Trek movie is a bad thing necessarily, but the idea they have for it is terrible; a starfleet academy movie where kirk and spock first meet. Stupid stupid stupid idea. First off, who are you gonna find that can play these characters; for better or for worse, William Shatner IS Kirk, and Kirk is not the vapid bruce wayne of the first 4 batman films who can be replaced by the A-list actor who happens to be the flavor of the month. Same for Leonard Nimoy, I can't imagine anyone being able to emulate either charcter sufficiently to have anysort of believability. Secondly, Where the hell do you go after this movie's done? It has novelty appeal because it's the first meeting of the two most famous characters in Trek, but does anyone really care what happens afterward? In reviving Trek, Paramount needs to be looking forwards, not backwards, they need to give it an edge that it's never had before, ala Batman Begins. That movie succeeded because it took the radically different step of focusing on character development more than action. Similarly, Trek needs to do something totally different for a new film to succeed commercially, critically, or both. Maybe take a hard core sci-fi edge that actually tests one's intelligence while watching, or perhaps a more realistic, gritty edge which draws from current world events, ala the new Battlestar Galactica. But whatever that edge is, it doesn't lie in telling the same old story about two characters who's sun has set. Ok, i feel better. and just to top off this marvelously geeky post, hot damn does the new Tool album kick ass :)  
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08:14pm 27/03/2006
  you know..........why does it take four years to get here? it'll be interesting not to have my life necessarily broken into such bite size portions anymore  
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firewall (poor harrison ford)   
03:49pm 24/02/2006
  I graduate next quarter...so what the hell do i do now? isn't there supposed to be a link on western's website with all sorts of things a directionless goof like me can do?  
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09:37pm 08/02/2006
  i just stubbed my toe SO hard, and it hurts SO much  
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12:44pm 01/02/2006
  ok, so the rumors are floating everywhere now of where and when radiohead's gonna play some live shows, and they just confirmed the bonnaroo festival in tennesee, and this has me extremely frightened. See, if they confirmed that festival, then it seems entirely likely that our local northwest sasquatch festival would want to try and nab radiohead too. and sasquatch is, of course, memorial day weekend, also known here as ski to sea weekend, also known at work as the weekend that nobody gets to take off because it's easily the busiest three days of the year. oh man, if they came for memorial day...well, i suppose tickets to tennesee aren't that much.  
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03:48pm 24/01/2006
  i can't help but think that i screw myself every day. i'll stop later  
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12:39am 17/01/2006
  yes be o motri onnnnnnni meeeeeee oooooooohhhhhhhhhh oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.


ha, i hit a new level for ridiculous!		  
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two against nature   
04:20am 03/01/2006
  my top albums that helped get me through 2005 (not necessarily released in '05):

Four Tet: Everything Ecstatic

Sigur Ros: Takk

Aphex Twin: Richard D. James album

Failure: Fantastic Planet

White Stripes: Get Behind Me Satan

eh, there were others, a bunch of others, my middle of the road tastes demand blood....		  
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pour   
03:07am 27/12/2005
  such a peculiar holiday season, probably the most stressful in memory. no one's fault or anything, just so much going on. and damned if it wasn't kind of melancholy too; it was so nice to be home, and we were all thankful to have a quiet, laid-back, and decidedly scaled-back Christmas for once. No one did my charity thing, yet again....well, 'cept Layla anyway. So much driving, so much money even with the scaling back, SO MUCH MONEY. And so many sad things that loom large over the season, and really over the past year. Grandma and Grandpa both having spent spells in the hospital and consistently miserable; Nana in the hospital now, Grandpa Durham in the hospital (So wild knowing that part of me is from that man, when i've only seen him half a dozen times....so so wild). Even Carla's usually unstoppable parents are feeling their ages a bit more; i'll wear diapers to my lifetime acheivement banquet anyday. i need to eat better so i don't feel like sleeping all the time. this isn't what i intended to write. not that i know what i did. too much, too much too much too much.  
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my broken radioheart   
02:40pm 21/12/2005
  Stupid radiohead, no album for another year, WEAK! stupid Christmas season, with all the stupid money you have to spend, and all the stupid stress because you have to go and visit and get something for every member of your family, WEAK! Stupid freakin' work which makes you work on the 23rd, the 26th, and new years eve and new years even though it'd be SO EASY to figure out a schedule so that those who got new years off had to work around Xmas and vice versa but for whatever silly stupid reason the boss doesn't want to have to deal with it, WWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is intensely ridiculous. next year i'm not getting anything for anybody, and no one's getting anything for me. someone's got to take a stand against this charitable madness		  
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  boyofeverybody
 
 
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